An Open Letter To People Who See Me Wearing Lolita

Sunday, I went to a meetup with my Lolita community to the local art museum, and then to lunch. It was a lovely, unseasonably warm and sunny day, and people were out in force. By now, I'm used to getting at least a few questions or comments when I am in Lolita, and even the occasional request for a picture. I can't say I eagerly look forward to that type of attention, but it usually doesn't bother me too much. 

What happened yesterday was different. What happened yesterday left me feeling very frustrated. I even felt a bit angry. 

It seemed like every time we turned around, we were being hounded by some complete stranger about our clothes. 

"Are you in a play"? "Why are you dressed like that?" "Can I have a picture?" "What do you call...that?" "Are you supposed to be dolls?" 

It went on and on. The other members of my group were gracious. I didn't feel gracious at all. I felt trapped. Maybe even a little threatened. I lowered my head when the pictures snapped. I mumbled terse responses and looked away. I don't think I was really able to enjoy any of the art.

When I got home, I tried to decide why this bothered me so much. After all, I wear clothes I find cute precisely so people will see them and appreciate them, right? 

Maybe. But to be honest, the "person" I'm most eager to impress is myself. In my Lolita fashion, or any other clothes. I wear them for the way they make me feel about myself. If other people like them too- bonus. But I'd wear clothes (and have worn clothes) that never got any positive reactions at all, if they were things I liked. I've got to imagine the same is true for other people as well.

Why, then, do they treat me like some sort of weird, subhuman specimen when I'm in Lolita? 

Clearly, this experience has me rattled.

So as a catharsis, I decided to write the following letter. I know nobody who was asking those questions, or is likely to ask those questions will read it, but I just want to vent. 

Dear Curious Onlookers,

It's me, the one in the "strange" dress. The one who looks like a "doll". I just wanted to take this chance to give a really thorough response to all of your questions, since you obviously think your questions are more important than my time or my privacy.

First- just to clear things up- I'm not in a play. I have been in plays before, and it was a lot of fun. We performed on a stage. We wore costumes while performing on a stage. We never actually went to a museum, or ate lunch, or went shopping in our costumes. That's not really what acting in a play is all about. I can understand your confusion, though. Watching a group of people not acting, and not on stage, but wearing unusual clothes... that must be so disorienting. I mean, it just screams "play", doesn't it?

Secondly, I'm not actually trying to be a doll. Yes, yes, I know- that show on TV. There are people who want to look like dolls. I'm not one of them. I'm not even really sure what that means. By definition, aren't dolls modeled off of people? So if you "look like a doll", doesn't that really mean you look like... a person?

"But it's the clothes!", you say. Yes, the clothes. Dolls wear clothes. Sometimes, they are frilly clothes. Aren't ALL doll clothes modeled off of real clothes? I've seen dolls in jeans and sweatshirts. Are people in jeans and sweatshirts trying to look like dolls? Do you stop them and ask them, just to be sure?

The real burning question for you seems to be why. Why am I dressed like this? Why am I wearing clothes that don't look exactly like your clothes? Why do I like looking like this? 

I want to. That's why. That's the only answer you need. And really, you don't even deserve that. 

You deserve NOTHING from me. The fact that I deign to answer you at all is a reflection of my desire to be polite, and non-confrontational. Live, and let live.

You should try it. 

I am just a person, like you, living my life. I happen to like certain clothes- so do you. If you would find it irksome to be stopped constantly and engaged by strangers, have pictures snapped of you, be interrupted and put on the spot, know that the same applies to me. Go about your business, and I'll go about mine. 

If you like the way I look, that's great. If you want to politely compliment me, that's nice. If you have legitimate questions about my attire- say, you like the look, and want to replicate it- if I'm not busy, I'll be happy to answer your polite inquiries.

If you don't like my look- look away. Keep your thoughts to yourself. Put those skills they taught you in Kindergarten to work.

 If you don't "understand" my style, look it up. It is amazing what you'll find on the internet. 

If you "get off" on some fetish that involves frills- whatever, but don't assume I do too. 

Oh- and lady with the pink hair- no, I don't have to just "accept" that people will get in my face if I wear unusual clothes in public. I'm not "asking for attention." That sounds an awful lot like the logic that has led to the rape epidemic in our society. My clothes do not, cannot, will NEVER excuse your bad behavior. Shame on you for trying to invalidate my discomfort with your rude and pushy actions by shifting the blame onto me. 

To put it simply: treat me like any other person you encounter. I promise, I'll do the same. 

Regards,

A Frustrated Lolita